Monday, October 31, 2011

Make Your Day Better

Another cold Sunday.... I don't like Sundays, never did and a cold Sunday is even worse, but i woke up that day with a decision that i won't let the day or the weather to spoil my mood.  What did I need to make it better? If you want the day to be a good one, you should start it in a right way. That was exactly what I did to make this usual, boring day a little bit more colourful...
 I'm not one of those people who have a breakfast every day, that's why a tasty breakfast is something very nice and unusual for me. Well, the french kind of breakfast seemed just right for that Sunday, small chocolate croissants and a warm cup of coffee... Trust me, it did work.  The sweet taste of chocolate made me happy like a little child, the warm coffee made me forget about the cold, foggy weather outside. I did my best to keep that warm, sweet feeling for the rest of the day. The Sunday was not as grey as it seemed earlier the same morning. I know, maybe it's even funny, but the smallest things can make us so happy sometimes, can fill our day with joy and satisfaction.
I was glad and happily surprised that the simple breakfast made my day much brighter. Well i'm sure you understood that the point was not the coffee or the croissant. What really changes the bad mood is yourself and the way you see the things around you. It's all in your hands, no one else can change your mood easier then you yourself, no one else can find a better way to make you smile. So next time when you wake up in the morning with a bad mood, change it, change it the way you want it. It doesn't matter whether you do it with the help of a morning tea or just a random kid you see outside, after all the one who controls your day is you, so why don't you make it better...   :)

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

Saturday, October 29, 2011

When you hurt the one you love...

Whenever everything seems so bright and so close to perfection, something happens, somethings brings me back to the ground again and hits me down so hard. I was so high in the sky, you made me feel like I can fly, but here I am on the floor again, closed in this walls that seem like a box. Who was wrong this time? Me or You? Maybe it doesn't even matter, because after all it hurts us both. Fights, arguments, sleepless nights... We torture ourselves until we even forget what was the reason we got mad at each other again.
"Sorry"... This word is so meaningless, just a combination of letters that doesn't express anything, not anymore. Lost like a little kid I don't know what to do, how to act. I start apologizing, then want to prove how wrong you are and at the end feel like I can't change anything. Your words, they go deeper then you can imagine, they hurt me more then you actually want them to. But the worst is the silence. You know that my silence is the loudest cry. And I hate your silence too, it would hurt less if you got mad and yelled instead. What should we do next? Will it be easier to just forget or to keep analyzing and trying to understand everything.  We both are strong, that's our problem. We both believe that we are right and non of us will ever give up. Then maybe it will be better to forget. But that's something I was never good at. I will never bring up the past again, but it will still live inside me, everything leaves a mark, even the smallest things, which seem so unimportant sometimes.
Emptiness... again... it's there again, the feeling that you are useless, too weak to change anything, too wrong to bring everything back to normal, back to the way it used to be. Questions, questions are everywhere, but no answer seems close enough to be reached.
Maybe it would hurt less if I didn't love you this much, but in that case I wouldn't hurt you at all, cause you simply wouldn't care...

"Don't cry little one, please don't cry"
"...I cry, because I can love..."

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Happy Stranger

Photo by LiLit G.
It was just an ordinary day, similar to all the other days of that week. I was walking home, my head full of random thoughts, my eyes looking around but not actually paying attention to anything specific. I was walking fast, as I always do, no matter whether i'm late or not, it's more like a habit. But then I saw something that made me stop for a moment. I saw a man on the street feeding pigeons. Those birds were so beautiful, they felt so safe with him and the man looked so happy. Next to the crazy city, the noisy cars, people, who always run somewhere, this man seemed to bring a feeling of calmness to all that. He looked like a big "sign" that was telling people to stop for a second and notice the important and beautiful things around us. I stood next to him for couple of seconds and of course I had to take a picture of that admirable moment.
He looked at me and said.
-These birds are so wonderful, I have them for two weeks already.
Photo by LiLit G.
I smiled and continued my way. The street was the same, but the mood was completely different. That man made my day, I was still walking with many thoughts in my head, but I was softly smiling each time i was thinking about the happy man and his small cute birds.

Thank you happy stranger, thank you for making my day brighter, thank you for giving some bright colours
 to our city and our every day routine... Thank You

                                                                                                      © LiLit Ghazaryan

Monday, October 24, 2011

See You Soon

...and she was standing right next to him, realizing how far they are from each other. The feeling that was just a childish game for him was the only thing she had. Those memories which made him just laugh were kept in her heart for a very long time. And now she was looking at him, maybe that would be the last time she would see him, the last time she had a chance to look at him, to feel him next to herself. And she was doing her best to remember each detail. Years had passed, but he was the same.
-I need to go girl
- Again?

Me against Myself

I looked into the mirror and didn't recognize myself. I couldn't believe the girl staring at me was my own reflection. How much I have changed! My eyes have got small and were lost somewhere deep, somewhere far from the reality that they didn't want to see anymore. My own eyes were looking at me with no thoughts or feelings inside, just like two painted eyes, motionless like two small stones.

I couldn't understand whether I was sad or happy, there was no smile, there were no tears, just a round face expressing nothing, nothing at all. The lips... It seemed that those lips had so much to say, so much to tell, but they were not moving, looking like a mouth of a marble statue. My skin looked pale, like there was no blood, no beating heart under that skin. My hair... My long hair that used to wave within the softest wind, were not moving.

I closed my eyes, with the hope that it all will be just a dream, a random nightmare, with the hope that by the time I open my eyes the reflection will be gone and I will see the real me again, smiling at at myself from the other side of the mirror. But no, when I opened my eyes it was still there. It? It was Me. I was still there, looking at myself. I was scared, I was horrified of my own reflection, of my own appearance.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Her Heart in Cage

-Maybe I am a bird honey, but you can't keep me in a cage.
I wanna be able to fly, i wanna be free.

You heard her  and understood, but still was scared to loose her. You didn't want to go against her wish, after all you loved that girl so much. She was a bird, a beautiful bird who was in love with her own freedom. 
That used to scare you all the time, you were afraid that one they she will fly away again and never come back. That's when you decided to put her love in cage, thinking that it would keep her next to you all the time, hoping that even if she flies away, her love will be with you, so she will have to come back to you again.

... to kill your love

I left...
It happened so quickly that i didn't even realize what i was doing. I told you i wanna end that game and you didn't even realize that I was waiting for something else. I wanted you to argue, i wanted you to beg me to stay, to yell at me and get mad about my choice.
I wanted you to prove me that my decision was wrong. But instead, you did just nothing. You did nothing to hold me back.
I was amazed at your calmness, i was shocked by your reaction, but there was nothing i could do. And maybe i truly decided to leave you right at that second, when i saw no care in your eyes.
I got lost in my own game so easily. I had a feeling like it was you who was leaving...
And now after so many years...
No, i don't miss you, i miss the friend that i lost that day. And we both knew i was never in love with you, yet i loved you so much and still do. Just our loves were different from each other, we never wanted the same and non of us was trying to give up, until one day...

I sacrificed my own love in order to kill yours.

                                                                                                              © LiLit Ghazaryan

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Chess Love

Me and You... Two different chess figures standing on the opposite sides of the board.
But we found each other, going against all the rules of the game. And then? Then we stayed on the opposite sides, far from each other, looking forward to the day that we'll meet. The chess steps are following one another, time is going by, but we still can't reach each other. We are stuck on the opposite sides of the chess board. 
Lost in this black and white game we're trying to find a red line.

In this black and white game...
On the opposite sides...
We're still waiting, longing for each other like the black king and the white queen...

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Slaves of Time

You, it's you again...
You, the embodiment of fears and suspicion.
You, the black point in a long and bright tunnel. Fear, that is always there, even in the loud and happy laughter. The suspicion that is cankering your soul inside, even when you're sure that the decision is right. Right? Which is the right? Who decided what's right and what's wrong? Who is responsible? Who is the judge?
Wrong? Who is wrong? You or them? Them, who judge and consider it wrong. You, who listens to them and obeys.
It's funny. Somebody woke up today and decided that you are wrong and the same evening you go to bed, thinking that he was right. The next morning you will wake up in a chaos, lost in a metal coil of right and wrong, which is impossible to uncoil. A metal coil that keeps getting bigger and bigger and becomes a part of you. And then? Then the coil gets even bigger and now you yourself are a part of the giant coil, the coil of endless thoughts that is slowly destroying you. You spill out your anger at the others, at the people who are right, at the ones who are wrong. You get mad even at the random passers, at the people who are important to you and at the ones about whom you don't even care.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Old Photo Album

When I was a little kid i liked to go through my grandma's old pictures and photo albums. I used to look at the black and white pictures for hours, in most of them i was recognizing my grandparents, who were so young and beautiful, looking at me and smiling from the pictures. Back then it was just a game for me, a fun activity and nothing more.
Days ago i was at my grandparents' house again and i decided to look through those old pictures, just like i used to do as a kid. But i couldn't even imagine how much i was going to see, how many new things i would notice, things that were not important for that little girl who was looking at those pictures so often and not even realizing how much history this albums are keeping inside them.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Empty House of Love

I entered the old house and had a feeling like i went to my own past, it felt like those years were back again.
 Everything was the same, the similarities between the past and the present were even scary. I went up the stairs, the same stairs that i used to went up and down every day. The same walls, that were hiding so many memories and secrets inside. Everything was there, except us. I could almost here ourselves talk, sitting around the table, that now was covered with nothing else but the shadows we've left. I looked out from the window, the view was the same, but the ones who used to admire that view were missing. I knew that i had a piece of myself in each part of this house, but still i felt so strange. This old house has got used to the silence during these last years, something that was very unusual here. There was nobody to laugh, nobody to fight and cry, nobody to sing softly in the evenings. The house itself seemed so lonely and sad. It seemed like he was missing us, like he has been waiting for us for so many years and now the house was happy to see me again, but was disappointed to realize that i was alone. I went back to our house without you. The memories that were kept inside those walls were driving me crazy. I got lost in time and couldn't understand were exactly i was, at what part of my life.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

One Saturday Morning

At mornings like this you wanna do nothing, but just sit in the sofa next to the window, with a warm jacket on and drink a cup of tea with lemon...
And that's exactly what i did on this Saturday morning, right the same way as i used to do when i was  a little girl. I liked to sit next to a window early in the mornings, when everyone was still sleeping. I was following the raindrops running down the window. I thought that it was some kind of competition, some of the raindrops were faster, so they were the winners. But there were also some raindrops that didn't care about the competition, they were just enjoying the ride, trying to find new friends on their way. You know when some drops get down and eventually get mixed up together? I thought that the raindrops were falling in love and continuing the way together, running down the window without getting apart. I used to follow this game with a great pleasure, such moments gave the little me a feeling of peace, a feeling that i'm a part of the nature. I thought that i was one of those few people who notice things that nobody else does and that made me feel original, different.
It was nice to go back to those moments. Today morning i felt like i was that little girl again, away from the world and reality. And nothing else was needed at that very moment to make me happier, just a cup of tea, a warm jacket and a rainy autumn morning...

                                                                                                                                 © LiLit Ghazaryan