Saturday, October 29, 2011

When you hurt the one you love...

Whenever everything seems so bright and so close to perfection, something happens, somethings brings me back to the ground again and hits me down so hard. I was so high in the sky, you made me feel like I can fly, but here I am on the floor again, closed in this walls that seem like a box. Who was wrong this time? Me or You? Maybe it doesn't even matter, because after all it hurts us both. Fights, arguments, sleepless nights... We torture ourselves until we even forget what was the reason we got mad at each other again.
"Sorry"... This word is so meaningless, just a combination of letters that doesn't express anything, not anymore. Lost like a little kid I don't know what to do, how to act. I start apologizing, then want to prove how wrong you are and at the end feel like I can't change anything. Your words, they go deeper then you can imagine, they hurt me more then you actually want them to. But the worst is the silence. You know that my silence is the loudest cry. And I hate your silence too, it would hurt less if you got mad and yelled instead. What should we do next? Will it be easier to just forget or to keep analyzing and trying to understand everything.  We both are strong, that's our problem. We both believe that we are right and non of us will ever give up. Then maybe it will be better to forget. But that's something I was never good at. I will never bring up the past again, but it will still live inside me, everything leaves a mark, even the smallest things, which seem so unimportant sometimes.
Emptiness... again... it's there again, the feeling that you are useless, too weak to change anything, too wrong to bring everything back to normal, back to the way it used to be. Questions, questions are everywhere, but no answer seems close enough to be reached.
Maybe it would hurt less if I didn't love you this much, but in that case I wouldn't hurt you at all, cause you simply wouldn't care...

"Don't cry little one, please don't cry"
"...I cry, because I can love..."

                                                                                                                             © LiLit Ghazaryan

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